2012-05-13

Chainsmoking Really Helps

Chainsmoking really helps
When you're suicidally depressed
Suicide on the installment plan
No need to buy the whole thing at once
They say that a smoker
Always has a reason to get up in the morning
To get that first cigarette
Just what the doctor ordered
When you're suicidally depressed

The "Supersize Me" diet
Not really comfort food
It can't hurt me when I'm like this
It's something to look forward to
Like I'm doing something good for myself
Something to break up the hours
Which stretch agonizingly
Off to the horizon
Eating is like smoking
Something to do
Something you can still do
The mouth, the stomach, the breath
All still work
Even when nothing else does
When you're suicidally depressed

I want to feel something
Even though I can't make the effort
Smoking and eating
Watching TV
Sex (I wish!)
I'm unattractive
I can't bear to
Share myself with others
The world lives behind the mists
Just before the horizon
Across the grey, dusty wastes
That I must cross
In my baggy shorts
Soiled T-shirt
Unshaven face
70 pounds overweight
Sandal feet
Reek of cigarettes
Shaggy hair
Haggard expression
To come to your boardrooms
To your cubicles
To your keyboards
To your disco parties
To your gourmet meals
To your glamorous women
To your polyglot banter
To your tailored suits
To your fancy cars
To your current events
To your elegant shops
All this and more
That I can't remember or imagine
And which even when I was healthy
Still made me anxious
Back when I was suicidally depressed
Only part of the time

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