Wanted for Hire

God, higher power, guiding spirit or guardian angel to serve as personal deity, object of and focus for spiritual devotion, and motivation for ongoing personal spiritual growth.

Must be loving, forgiving, all-powerful, all-knowing, and have a sense of humor. Must be a team player – no prima donnas. Must be here-and-now rather than hereafter oriented, and should be a firm yet gentle guide to daily peace, acceptance, and serenity regardless of circumstances. Must be willing to work irregular hours and weekends as required.

No taboos, please, but rituals, pilgrimages, occasional fasting or other observances and devotions are negotiable. Must not require inordinate blood or other sacrifices, self-mutilation of any kind, self-flagellation or other forms of penance, affectation of speech or gesture, or the wearing of special clothing or talismans.

No homophobes, misogynists, bigots, racists, prudes, ethnocentrists, eschatologists, status quo apologists, nihilists, paternalists, fire-and-brimstoners, evil or “Satanicky” deities need apply.

Interested applicants should interview/audition in person or as an avatar via spiritual vision or dream, moment of clarity, sudden inspiration, serendipitous coincidence, or other form of visitation. No appointment necessary. Offer void where prohibited.

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Wanted for Hire by Jay Dearien is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.