Holiday Warning

There will be swift and severe PENALTIES meted out to anyone showing insufficient HOLIDAY CHEER or failing to take part in any and all REINDEER GAMES (*) when either the MERRY CHRISTMAS LIGHT or the HAPPY NEW YEAR LIGHT is put alight by the WEINACHTESFROELICHHEITUBERSTUPPENFUHRER.

(*) These shall include but by no means be limited to: frosting of Christmas cookies (but not eating more than two or three GOD HELP YOU if you eat more than three!!!) in strict accordance to prescribed themes, watching endless claymation holiday specials, wearing ridiculous clothing (usually too hot) and sitting around for hours, drinking too much including nauseating concoctions such as "Egg Nog" (what other sort of "nog" is there?) that you never touch any other time of the year, spending tense hours preparing insane quantifies of elaborate foods, waiting anxiously for meals to begin, watching elderly and other relations whom you never see watch "special" ball games and parades that only happen around this time while never speaking, playing obscure card games and other such with relations whom you never see just to kill the boredom, etc., etc., etc.

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