漫画 Poop Group Scoop Troop

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My neighbor's dog, Caliope, has been crapping on my lawn for a few years now. I have mentioned it to no effect. There have even been cases where the owner and I have both watched as Caliope has run out and onto my lawn, or onto the strip of lawn in front of my car, taken a dump while we both watched, and I have run in and gotten a bag, scooped it up and handed it to the owner and he said nothing or said, "I was going to do that." Innumerable the times I have scooped poop and left it in a bag on their doorstep, front path, or edge of their property.

At one point I rang the city dog warden to ask if this were even illegal. He immediately asked if they were Caliope on leash and I said they never did, and he said he would go and talk to them as it seemed they were ignorant of the laws. They then kept Caliope on a rope and acted pissy towards me, where they were previously courteous. I decided to make amends and gave them a plant (jade tree of my own cultivation) and a box of doggy bickies and things became hunky-dory, friendly greetings (with the wife, Diana, anyway) and even Christmas treats and garden tomatoes and pepper plants and such. This was maybe six months to a year ago.

It's still going on, with the pooping. I have taken to putting surveying flags next to the poops so that I nor my guests not mistakenly walk on them. I think I am going to scoop them up onto pieces of carboard and put them right on their front porch...with an invoice.

I'm going to type up a "contract" (kind of as a joke, but laying on the legalese thickly) apologizing for the long period of not acting upon the verbal or handshake contract constituted by my telling them about the poop and handing the bag and their taking no further action, i.e., that they expect me to pick up the poop. I can mention the health and safety and legal implications of leaving the poop lying around and therefore the imperative of picking it up and apologize further.

I will also supply a first invoice with charges such as administrative set-up fee, $60 (deep discount for first-time customers), $25 per poop picked up (probably at least $150 this time), $12 for spatula repurposed to scoop, whatever the cost of the flags are, set-up and clean-up fee of, say, $40, and so forth. Also a flagging fee of $10 per poop, or maybe $15. It will mention that any unpaid charges over 30 days will be subject to a 12% compounded daily interest fee, and so forth.

I'll put the pile of poop on their doorstep along with another box of doggy bickies and an envelope with the invoice and contract taped to it.

The contract will mention that it does not indemnify or hold them harmless for any damages to third parties to do with damage to footwear or luggage or other or to children who might be harmed by touching or ingesting poop or any other such. It will also give the nod to the fact that it effectively grants a sub-lease on the yard which might be challenged by the owner, the management company, other residents, the City of Moscow, the County of Latah, or other interested parties, and may therefore be challenged on that or other bases. Granting access to the yard to Caliope or to the neighbors or their agents for the purpose of depositing or removing poop or other purpose, with or without associated payment may also constitute a violation of existing leases or other agreements and may be subject to challenge by other interested parties.

As such, if this contract is challenged, it may fall to the neighbors to treat directly with the owner and/or management company and with the landscaping company about how to deal with the subleasing and the poop removal and the concomitant (downward) adjustment to the rents of the residents. This is of course a rat's nest of excludability of the rental contract and the "quiet enjoyment" of the yard and the rest of the property implied thereby.

Anyway, should be fun. And if they run up charges, the existence of contracts and invoices might be of interest to collections agencies and others, and hopefully the contract and invoices and the associated cartoons shall prove amusing to the staff at the management company, the dog warden and other officials, including the County Prosecutor, as well as everybody I know, including on social media.