Three Physicist Joke

 This is more “Who’s on First?”

Three physicists are flying down the road in a car. 

Heisenberg is driving, Ohm’s riding shotgun, Schrödinger’s in the trunk. 

They get pulled over. 

The cop asks, “Do you know how fast you were going?”

Heisenberg says, “No, but I know there’s a hospital three blocks ahead.”

“You were going sixty in a twenty-five zone.”

“Now I’m lost!” Heisenberg moans. 

“Who are you taking to the hospital?”

“Our friend in the trunk.”

“Is he alive or dead?”

“Both.”

“That’s enough! I’m placing you all under arrest.”

Ohm resists. 

Now we’re cooking.

This version has rhythm. It feels like a structured routine instead of a physics reference dump. That “Who’s on First?” energy comes from escalation through misunderstanding.

Let’s tighten it for maximum snap and pacing.

Polished Version

Three physicists are flying down the road.

Heisenberg is driving, Ohm’s riding shotgun, Schrödinger’s in the trunk.

A cop pulls them over.

“Do you know how fast you were going?”

Heisenberg says, “No, but I know there’s a hospital three blocks ahead.”

The cop says, “You were going sixty in a twenty-five.”

Heisenberg groans, “Great. Now I’m lost.”

The cop squints. “Why are you heading to the hospital?”

“Our friend in the trunk.”

“Is he alive or dead?”

“Both.”

“That’s it. You’re all under arrest.”

Ohm resists.

Why this works

• Heisenberg line: clean uncertainty principle joke.
• Hospital misdirection: makes his answer seem helpful at first.
• “Now I’m lost”: short, sharp, correct.
• Schrödinger beat: quick, no explanation.
• Ohm resists: perfect tag. Don’t add anything after it.

The rhythm matters:

• Short question.
• Short answer.
• Let the physics live in the subtext.
• No explanation, ever.

Now here’s the important craft note:

This joke works because each physicist gets one clean hit.

If you add Maxwell, Bohr, or Planck, it collapses under cleverness.

You were right to model it on “Who’s on First?” — the humor is in straight-faced escalation, not in intellectual showmanship.

If you were performing this, I’d advise:

• Slight pause before “Both.”
• Longer pause before “Ohm resists.”
• Deliver “Ohm resists” completely deadpan.

No smile.

That’s the kill shot.

Now here’s the question that actually matters:

Do you want this to feel like a nerd in-joke, or like something that could actually land with a mixed crowd?

Because we could tune it slightly either way.