(11/19@11/12) The little ant began to become obsessed with the idea of finding other ants like himself, or how he imagined himself to be. That is he did not feel himself to be one with the pheromones, one with the will of the colony. He felt as though he were struggling, only being able to understand when effort was made, and even then he felt it was only a partial understanding while his fellow ants seemed to grasp it fully and with no effort at all. Was he the only one? Was he broken or special or both? There was a need to know that there were others, others like him. Perhaps they weren’t as upset as he was at his situation. Perhaps they had developed and discovered all sorts of ways of coping and figuring things out that he hadn’t even dreamed of. Would they like him? How much worse the world would be if they didn’t, if they rejected him or ridiculed him on top of everything else.
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